Wednesday, October 26, 2011

In the moment

Today we enjoyed a special time with our girls. Inna was so open today and playful. Rada and Emily were so much fun. Emily's dad Jack is on a train as I write this coming home with her new birth certificate. We were very happy that Emily felt comfortable hanging out with us for the past few days while Jack was on his "great train adventure."

Mostly the past few days I have just enjoyed being as fully present in the moment as possible. When you distill our lives down the basic elements all we really have are moments. Most are spent working, sleeping, being with our loved ones, but too often, for me I fail to really be fully present in my most important moments due to worrying about my patients, my practice, or any of thousands of moment killers. When I was deployed to Iraq caring for sick and wounded soldiers earlier this year I had a life changing moment. I was in the OR helping the neurosurgeon and other docs care for a spec ops soldier who had been shot in the head. As a urologist I don't get a lot of brain exposure. During the surgery, I had this moment of deep empathy, vividly imagining that the guy on the table was me. I wondered in the clearest most vivid images about what my life stood for, what would I most regret, what do I want my remaining days of life to stand for. Later that night, I awakened with an urgent thought pounding through me... Burn your idols... You will only find me when you seek me with your whole heart. What idols? Materialism, the approval of men, vanity, on and on it goes. It occurred to me in my Spartan CHU (containerized housing unit), that idols were ripping off my limited life of beautiful satisfying moments. At that moment I decided that my remaining time would be refocused upon reclaiming these moments and investing my energy in service to others, leaning hard into: "religion that God our Father finds pure and faultless is this: care for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27). That my friends brings me and Cari to Enakievo, Ukraine at this moment. I must say that I am enjoying this moment and tomorrow before God and an unknown Ukrainian judge we are going to really savor a penultimate moment for two beautiful and wonderful girls who will legally and forever be orphans no more.

Thanks to everyone who hAs had a hand in helping us all get to savor this moment.

God bless,

Ray

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